I earn lots, but can’t stop comparing myself to others. What do I do?

The goal here is to try and bring the focus back to your own life. Part of the reason you might be continually shifting the goal posts is because your goals are being set with an external focus. You’re trying to compete, measure up, get external validation – but since there will likely always be someone who has more wealth than you, it will never feel like enough.

No matter how much more you attain, if you’re operating from a place of never enough, then your internal experience of your financial position will not be one of wealth, but one of lack.

Continue to strive for more, not because where you are isn’t good enough, but rather to experience the full extent of your capability.

So, if you had to feel happy with your life (as a whole, including your financial position) as it is right now, what is the perspective or belief you would need to have?

You currently have a belief that might go something like: I won’t feel X (successful, happy, good enough, etc) until I have Y (whatever your current financial goal is). But what is the belief someone would have to have, to feel fantastic about their life as it is, right now … even when they’re standing next to someone who is more financially successful?

Motivation

So, then that begs the question – if I’m happy with what I have now, why keep going? How would I motivate myself to keep growing, if it weren’t for dissatisfaction with my current position?

There’s a difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is externally focused – it’s about the rewards, praise, or negative consequences like punishment that you might get.

Being extrinsically motivated looks like wanting to achieve a goal so someone will think, feel, or act a certain way towards you, or you will get some external reward for it. It can be effective in the short term. However, it can be exhausting and unfulfilling longer term.

Intrinsic motivation is more about you and your inherent enjoyment, satisfaction or fulfillment from making progress towards your goals. You know that feeling of accomplishment when you do something you didn’t think you could do? That feeling (and not the outcome itself) is the reward. This is a more fulfilling and sustainable form of motivation because its long-term.

So, you don’t need to lose motivation, but you do have an opportunity to shift it. You can be happy where you are now, and still excited to keep growing – not because of what someone else will think or say about you, but for the joy of seeing what you’re capable of achieving.

This allows you to continue to strive for more, not because where you are isn’t good enough, or because you feel like you’re behind, but rather to experience the full extent of your capability and see what’s possible for your life.

Doesn’t that sound way more fun than chasing some arbitrary external benchmark that keeps changing every time you reach it?

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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