MOANING IN AMERICA: Cacophony of cries over Trump’s triumph

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Dr. Arlene’s bottle of election night bubbly has gone decidedly flat.

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The self-proclaimed “political analyst” and professor sniffed on TikTok on the eve of Tuesday’s election sending Donald Trump back to the White House that a liquor store clerk smirked (IMAGINE!) at her.

Dr. Arlene said: “He asked me why I was getting the champagne and I said because I was going to be toasting Madam President and he just looked at me with kinda like a smirk and I said, ‘You know she’s going to win this, right?’ He said, ‘It’s very close.’ And I said, ‘No it’s not.’

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Well. Dr. Arlene believed he had wasted his vote.

She continued: “She’s going to take every one of the swing states plus Iowa. I said, ‘I’m a political analyst.’”

Kamala Harris fell short in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin and was nowhere in sight in Iowa.

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***

Dr. Arlene was not alone in her disappointment and devastation. From college kids to A-list celebs claiming they’re leaving the country, the reaction to Trump’s win was over the top.

But hedge fund manager Grant Cardone is here to help!

He tweeted: “I am offering my jet to all crying liberals who promised to leave the U.S.A. in case of Trump victory. If you want to arrange your flight, have your people email my people [email protected].”

But does a celebrity endorsement even mean anything?

As Melissa Chen noted: “Turns out Americans really don’t give a s*** what Hollywood celebs think.”

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JUMP OFF A BRIDGE!

University of Oregon Greek Life administrator Leonard Serrato ate a big breakfast. He took to social media to tell Trump supporters to “jump off a f***ing bridge” in an unhinged rant.

Leonard is freaking out. INSTAGRAM
Leonard is freaking out. INSTAGRAM

He said on Instagram: “I say this in the most disrespectful way possible: I don’t care if you are my family, I don’t care if you are my friend, I don’t care if we’ve been friends our entire lives, you can literally go f*** yourself if you voted for Donald Trump.” He has been placed on leave.

ARE MY 15 MINUTES UP? “Influencer” Dylan Mulvaney weighs in. TIKTOK
ARE MY 15 MINUTES UP? “Influencer” Dylan Mulvaney weighs in. TIKTOK

GIRL TO THE RESCUE!

Eager for an extra minute or two in the spotlight, pop culture curiosity and transgender “influencer” Dylan Mulvaney is warning Trump: “Don’t mess with trans kids.” On TikTok the Bud Light disaster shared that her “heart is with trans kids and their families.”

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But don’t worry, it wasn’t all about the kids, she shared another message that it was “Day 970,” a nod to her Days of Girlhood TikTok series, where she documented her gender transition. But … “I will do everything I can to support you.”

President Donald Trump talks with then California Gov.-elect Gavin Newsom, left, during a visit to a neighbourhood impacted by the wildfires in Paradise, Calif., Nov. 17, 2018.
President Donald Trump talks with then California Gov.-elect Gavin Newsom, left, during a visit to a neighbourhood impacted by the wildfires in Paradise, Calif., Nov. 17, 2018. Photo by Evan Vucci, File /AP Photo

ICH BIN EIN CALIFORNIAN

Flaky Gov. Gavin Newsom is calling for Golden State lawmakers to protect “California values” in the wake of Trump’s win. Stuff like new age religion, nutty health cures, poo in the streets, and armies of junkies and the homeless? Yep! Let’s protect that.

Channelling Churchill, the love guv said: “The freedoms we hold dear in California are under attack — and we won’t sit idle.  “We are prepared to fight in the courts … (not the beaches, fields or streets though).”

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VENOM AT THE VIEW

Someone call the cardiologist! The women of The View are off the rails. Particularly race-baiting firebrand Sunny Hostin, who claims she knows who’s to blame for Kamala Harris’ defeat: “Uneducated white women.”

She said on Wednesday: “Black women tried to save this country again last night. Ninety-two per cent of Black women voted for the vice president. You have Latinas in the 70 percentile voting for the vice president.”

PARTLY CLOUDY: View villain Sunny Hostin blamed “uneducated white women” for the Harris loss. ABC/ SCREENGRAB
PARTLY CLOUDY: View villain Sunny Hostin blamed “uneducated white women” for the Harris loss. ABC/ SCREENGRAB

And then she added her coup de grace: “What we did not have is white women, who voted about 52% for Donald Trump — uneducated white women, is my understanding. (And) you have Latino men actually voting more for him.”

One critic wrote on Twitter: “If anyone divides America it’s shows like #TheView … it makes me want to scream.”

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THE AUTEURS

Former Family Ties star-turned-filmmaker and musician Justine Bateman is focusing her lens on the cinematic qualities of some of the meltdown videos now choking social media. AUTHOR! AUTHOR!

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WOKER THAN THOU: Guardian editor Katherine Viner offered emotional support for staffers upset by Trumps win. No wonder the public hates us. GETTY IMAGES
WOKER THAN THOU: Guardian editor Katherine Viner offered emotional support for staffers upset by Trumps win. No wonder the public hates us. GETTY IMAGES

MEDIA MILQUTOASTS

Tough-as-nails retired New York Post night editor Mike Hechtman would surely weep. The world’s wokest newspaper, The Guardian (sorry Toronto Star), is offering staffers counselling to cope with Trump’s “upsetting” win. Editor Katherine Viner has instructed her crew to “offer your support” to American colleagues.

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She wrote: “I know the result has been very upsetting for many colleagues. If you want to talk about it, your manager and members of the leadership team are all available, as is the People team.”

[email protected]

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