Why draught beer is better than drinking from tinnies or bottles, and the reason is clear

I’m officially campaigning for the abolition of the phrase, “It’s the best thing since sliced bread.” Sliced bread is not mankind’s greatest invention. Beer is.

Some scientists – not all, but I know which ones I’d like to go down the pub with – claim that the domestication of wild grains by our predecessors was motivated not by the need for bread, but by the desire for beer. From now on, I’d like you all to adopt the phrase, “It’s the best thing since cold beer”, thanks very much.

Time was, beer used to come in just one flavour: beer flavour. Now, with the proliferation of independent craft breweries, beer can vary dramatically in flavour, colour, sweetness, bitterness and alcohol content.

My most recent beer was a fruity, tart, blackberry sour from Tasmania’s Moo Brew. It sounds a bit wacky, but actually it cleaves to the long tradition of lambic fruit beers, made in Belgium since the 13th century.

Increasingly, the can is the container of choice over the glass bottle. The humble tinny is lighter, more portable and stackable. It chills faster and protects the contents from light. My only issue – anyone else find this? – is that you can’t eyeball what you’re drinking: there’s no visual appeal. It’s like drinking coffee from a takeaway coffee cup.

Reports from the US suggest that since the pandemic, drinkers are choosing canned or bottled beer over the traditional draught beer. It would be sad indeed if we ever lost the time-honoured ritual of standing at the bar, meditatively watching “the pour”, as the beer rises up the glass and finishes with a proud cap of foam.

Worse, there’d be no need for that arcane selection of state-dependent schooners, middies, ponies and pots – and, therefore, no way for the locals to tell whether you’re also a local or a foreigner from interstate.

The places in which we drink beer are changing, too. Breweries are morphing into family-friendly weekend venues, with face-painting for the kids at Little Creatures in Geelong or food that goes beyond the burger at Marrickville’s Bob Hawke Beer and Leisure Centre’s retro Chinese diner, Lucky Prawn.

Beer goggles remain beer goggles, however, and people still appear infinitely more attractive after you’ve had a beer. Just not as attractive as a beer looks, before you’ve had a beer.

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